Search
  • Sex-Ed Steph

My Pussy/My Self Revisited



In the two years since I wrote My Pussy/My self, I..


dropped out of school, was bedridden for a couple of months, went back to school, was homeless, got two bachelor degrees instead of one, had some sexcapades, conducted research on sexual storytelling, made new friends, produced and performed in The Vagina Monologues, squeezed some balls, got certified as a sexual educator, went to therapy, had too much wine, and ate too much cheesecake.


Is my pussy still me? Yes? First of all, I don’t think of my vulva as a pussy. That is misleading. I don’t have a name for it, but I think that is a result from one of my favorite coping mechanisms, disassociation. I intend to explore this topic at a later time. But the idea that myself is a euphemism for my vulva is still something I think about.


The PTSD episode that I spoke about before became all consuming. I had to drop out of school for a couple of months and I couldn’t get out of bed. But I did.


One of the things that my PTSD has affected greatly is my sex life. It’s so hard to separate my sexuality from my sexual trauma. I fear that my attraction to women is born from my trauma with men. I’ve become more comfortable identifying as a bisexual but I still feel like a gay imposter. Trauma has affected my relationship status, but I don’t think being single is a bad thing. I’ve been single for a long time and I intend to stay single for a long time. I have and will continue to have all sorts of sexcapades. Some good, some bad. I enter all of them looking for fun and adventure.


The last thing that I would like to explore is my Mexican-ness. My rape was a life-defining moment and my healing process has been greatly affected by my life as a poor, first generation Mexican American woman. I think this is important, especially if I’m giving people sexual advice. There aren’t a lot of sex educators of color out there and I’m adding my voice to the mix to change that.


This post was originally published on Medium, but since I am no longer happy with medium as a medium, it will live here now.

8 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All