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  • Sex-Ed Steph

My Pussy/My Self: An Introduction

Originally published on Medium, but I am no longer happy with medium as a medium so it's going to live here now.




There is a scene in the I Love Dick episode, A Short History of Weird Girls, in which Sylvere tells Chris to touch herself. She starts to rub her belly, her arms, her neck, her thighs. . . and it blew my mind! I was thrown by the fact that when told to touch herself she did not go straight for her vulva! If I were in that sexual situation, I would go straight for my clit. Depending on friction, if my fingers are cold, and whether or not I’m wet enough I would dip into my sweet tunnel of love and back to my clit. This knowledge and ritual comes from the vast experience I have masturbating (not to brag).


When I watched this with my friend Ash, she theorized that maybe they had done this before and she was trained to not go straight for the clit. That’s probably true. But it was too late, I had already started to question everything. Why is my identity, myself right there? I know that youths are always told no to touch themselves and it is always referring to masturbation. They are not telling you not to touch your hair or any other part of your body, it’s your genitals. In Spanish, it’s ‘No te toques.’ I know I heard this from my mom a couple of times.


This is a hornet’s nest of research that I am not ready to kick so I won’t. Not today. Soon probably. But I want this journal to be a collection of essays on things that have developed my psycho/social/sexual identity. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and it definitely affected the development of my sexuality. I recently had a really bad PTSD flare up that I have been working through, so I’ve been pulling these threads. I debated with myself about disclosing this but fuck it. It got spilled into my bag and now it’s on all my things.


I’ll see if some friends are interested in disclosing things too.

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