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  • Sex-Ed Steph

Handjob Ergonomics



When I was first writing this, it was going to be a handjob hate-letter, but I felt I was veering into yucking people’s yum territory and I didn’t want to do that. The thing about handjobs is that no matter how much practice I put into them, it’ll never be good enough. I’m up against a lifetime of personal handies by the penis owner. My last sexual encounter almost ended in a lackluster handjob. The only reason that it didn’t end that way was because my arm got tired.

My arm hurts just thinking about handjobs. I started to research handjob ergonomics and there was nothing! I ended up looking at regular office ergonomics but still came away disappointed. So I made a lil something:


Ergonomics is the study of people’s efficiency in their working environment.


The goal of handjob ergonomics is to arrange your portable handjob station (your hand) so that if allows for a comfortable working environment for maximum productivity and efficiency.

An ergonomically correct handjob work station will help you avoid fatigue and discomfort- who doesn’t want that? Whether you’re new to the world of penises and want to pleasure the brave volunteer that stepped up and volunteered their penis for your experimentations, or you are an old pro who had to get their jaw wired shut after dislocating their jaw trying to see how many marshmallows you could cram in there, following simple guidelines can help you significantly improve your handjob work station and technique.


Handjob Ergonomic Tips

Follow these 10 handjob ergonomics tips to help you avoid fatigue:


1. Lube up. Spit is mediocre lube but if that’s all you’ve got then spit up.


2. Watch your head position, and try to keep the weight of your head directly above its base of support (neck). Don’t “crane” your head and neck forward.


3. Don’t be a slouch! Slouching puts more pressure on the discs and vertebrae of your back. If sitting in a chair, use the lumbar support of your chair and avoid sitting in a way that places body weight more on one than on the other. Move closer to your work as possible to avoid leaning and reaching.


4. If you’re kneeling in front of the penis, your knees should be supported at all times. Consider arranging yourself so that you’re sitting on your butt to alleviate long term pressure on the knees. The penis haver may need to sit down if they are too tall. The giver and receiver should both be comfortable while the job is at hand.


5. If you’re doing the classic up and down motion on the shaft of the penis, keep your arm in a straight line and relax your wrist. Place your hand so that your thumb is stimulating the frenulum which is on the underside of the penis.


6. The penis and the testicles should be close enough to prevent excessive reaching which strains the shoulders and arms.


7. Avoid cum in your eye by making sure the penis is not too close and aiming for your face.


8. If the penis wielding individual enjoys having their testicles stimulated then incorporate them into your job. Gently cup them and adjust the pressure depending on the individual.


9. You can rest your arms periodically for several seconds by alternating between hands. Keep grip in mind as you switch off.


10. When you are done with your job, give yourself or ask your sexual partner for a hand massage. Your hands are probably hot after such strenuous exercise, don’t let them cool down too quickly.


  • This post was originally on Medium, but I'm moving it here.


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